"WHAT I MEANT TO SAY" | POEM by Na'Tosha De'Von
When I say I’m glad your happy
What I mean to say is I’ve spent the last three nights crying
in a tub full of room temperature water telling myself that God doesn’t make mistakes
When I say it doesn’t hurt
What I mean is,
I haven’t been able to breathe without the constant
reminder that I just wasn’t enough
I really, truly mean God Bless you
but my heart burns with the fire of scorn women
who have over taken the pits of Hell to call it Home
For we would rather burn with the sinful dead than to live life without lovers like you
Do you not see my flesh melting off the bone?
Can you smell the stench of burning gristle?
And I have tried to move on but there is something nostalgic within the way I love you
Sometimes I question if I miss you
Or if I simply crave the abuse
I pray only for your peace
but my mind has been tortured by your shadow meeting the small glow of the exit sign
It hangs bare foot by its ankles swinging in all dimensions
however, my smile tells you I’m just fine
So when I say I wish you the best
It’s my not so clever toxic way of wishing you back to me
A B O U T | Na'Tosha De'Von
"I am Na’Tosha De’Von, MFA actor and published poet. I originate from Chicago IL, raised in Mississippi. I believe that the purpose of my art is to expose and heal. In my mind, I would like to think that the first words I ever spoke were in the form of a metaphor. With that, I acknowledge the power of words. How they tend to make me feel, how my words make others feel. Sometimes they’re flowers, sometimes daggers, others are just empty thoughts. Due to the exposing, each poem that I create and share with you will have a tendency to leave a mark, petals or bruises you decide. However, in the mist, find healing."
You can find Natosha on Instagram here: @iamnatoshadevon.